Choi Jun-hee Marks 18 Years Without Her Mother With a Childhood Memory

On October 2, Choi Jun-hee took to social media to mark the 18th anniversary of her mother, actress Choi Jin-sil, who died on this date in 2008 at the age of 40. What she wrote was less an eulogy than an excavation of a single, recurring image from childhood, one that carried more weight than any formal tribute could.

Choi Jin-sil was one of South Korea's most beloved actresses of the 1990s, debuting in 1988 and becoming a household name through dramas such as Jealousy, Star in My Heart, and You and I, as well as films including My Love, My Bride and Letter. She continued working into the 2000s, with later dramas like Rosy Life and My Last Scandal reaffirming her place in the industry. Her death left behind two young children: son Choi Hwan-hee and daughter Choi Jun-hee.

A coloring page worn down at the edges

In her post, Choi Jun-hee described being a small child at her mother's side during script preparation. She recalled how her mother's scripts were nearly always torn at the front pages, and how, to keep a restless daughter calm, Choi Jin-sil would draw a character for her to color while running lines. The specific image she names is Candy, the protagonist of the classic anime series Candy Candy.

She writes that she would color while her mother recited dialogue, then look up whenever the voice went quiet, not to check whether the picture was finished, but to confirm her mother was still there. That distinction, between the task at hand and the need to be sure of the person beside her, is the quiet center of the whole tribute.

The coloring pages, she remembered, were always worn and ragged from being handled so often. She said she loved them precisely for that reason, because the paper would thin and soften with use, but the lines her mother had drawn stayed visible underneath.

'I still stop and look beside me'

Writing from the vantage point of adulthood, Choi Jun-hee notes that her feet now reach the floor, a contrast to the child who sat in a chair too tall for her. She has responsibilities she handles alone, days that go well enough. But there are still moments, she says, when something happens and her first instinct is to tell her mother. On those days, she writes, she becomes that child again, pausing and turning to look beside her, waiting a moment even though she knows there will be no answer.

She also reflected on how limited her store of memories is, and how she returns to the same few scenes repeatedly, protective of them but unable to stop unfolding them when the need arises. She described her mother's approach to coloring, and perhaps to most things, as one of gentle persistence: go past the lines, pick the wrong color, but see it through to the end.

She closed by imagining a future reunion, saying that next time she would spread out all the days she has lived rather than a coloring book, and that she suspects she would still keep checking to make sure her mother was sitting there beside her.

Alongside the written tribute, Choi Jun-hee shared photographs from a childhood trip to the beach with her mother and older brother Choi Hwan-hee. Among the images was a handwritten note from Choi Jin-sil in which she had written that she loved her children as much as the sea. The note, in the actress's own handwriting, added a particular stillness to what was already a quiet and carefully held piece of grief.